Hurt Feelings
Hurt Feelings…
* Did you know that there are more people in counseling for things said to them or about them rather than physical abuse? (being made fun of at early age-leaves scars-heck even as an adult)
Hurt feelings…it’s the cause for many friendships coming to an end, churches splitting, people leave their churches, even wars are fought over hurt feelings…things are said that just plain hurt peoples feelings, sometimes by the way a flippant remark that is made, or someone being a little too direct (with no compassion/grace) sometimes hurtful things are said intentionally but most times...I would say, 9 times out of 10 people don’t even realize what they’ve said.or have done acutally hurt anyone (And it’s not said out a heart of malice)
* I even went to a racial discrimination seminar…talk about things we say, without realizing it could be hurting someone’s feelings…anyways- I think it's about awareness…sometimes unless you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes-can you see their perspective or how a behavior or choice of words could hurt their feelings. But this blog is not about walking on egg shells..
What’s funny about people in general, is that they normally don’t think about hurt feelings until they themselves are the ones hurt…myself included.
Do you have those days, when it seems like everyone hurts your feelings, you'd rather be at home under the covers ? hahaha I think we've all had those days...those are what I call "high maintenance days"...you can't trust those heighten sensitivity days...girls you know exactly what I am talking about...
Growing up, my brother would always tease me that I got all of the heart and he had none-because I was overly sensitive and he wasn't sensitive at all. Over the years, the Lord has really worked on this area in my life...(my brother thinks I am 10 times better...but not "cured"..hahah)
I have been wrestling with a hurt since last week. I was informed that a person that I love “talks about me” negatively when I am not around. At first I was hurt, okay… actually I cried…a lot. But then I took a step back, and asked God what was the truth, was the person having a bad day and what was I supposed to learn from this.
The first thing he reminded me of was that I am a daughter of the King…He calls me His Beloved, and He loves me unconditionally. (Whew good stuff)
Now, having my identity in tact…I can face what was said about me…by my friend.
I began to evaluate my life…my behavior…does this friend have a legitimate gripe about me. And the fact is…yes…I am not perfect. I hate talking on the phone. I get quiet when I don’t feel good. I mess up everyday. I am a procrastinator & I am late for just about everything in my life. (I could go on but I wouldn’t want to bore you) I am asking God to open my eyes and my heart to any behavior or even attitude that I need to change and get rid of. He also reminded me of times that I get frustrated with people and “vent"...
But we all do it…vent, complain, talk about our frustrations with our families, friends, spouses-but how can we change it ? how can we turn it into a positive ?how can we begin to build into each other even through our frustrations, or even disagreeing times with each other? How can this friend of mine approach me about what bothers them instead of to other people (without me getting upset or feeling betrayed) ? and how can I do the same without them getting defensive?
There have been a couple of verses that have been hitting me hard recently…mostly they are in referencing our mouths (what we say to people or about people) and forgiveness.
Proverbs 17:17 “a friend loves at all times”
Ephesians 4:15-16“speak the truth in Love”.
“Ephesians 4:29"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 15:4 The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.
Heck the WHOLE BOOK OF PROVERBS :)
Philippians 2:14 Do everything without complaining or arguing
Another one is: James 1:19“slow to speak, slow to anger”, …Yikes…but then it also mentions…”going to that person privately if they've offended you"-not sending anonymous comments telling me you have issues with me”… come to me personally...I may cry...but the bible says to go to that person.
Matthew 6:14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.…..
Matthew 5 38"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.'[g] 39But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. 41If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. 42Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
43"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor[h] and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies[i] and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect
God has given us the power to encourage, to build each other up, to support…not to tare down, ridicule, be smart mouthed with…(but also not to be door mat)
So what have I learned ? if I’m complaining about someone…someone is complaining about me! OUCH...yep...it hurts doesn't it ??Ask God daily to put HIS hand over my mouth before I say something that could hurt...Think before I speak, repent ( & if it happens to me & it will) it's gonna hurt...but I have to forgive & let it go…do I have it all together…hardly…but I am pressing in and pressing on…
Lord, I’ve got no more tears to cry
Someone has hurt me, done me wrong And I’m walkin’ wounded, oh…
Lord, this pain is a knife of fire
Why does it have to turn out this way ? Why do the innocent seem to pay ?
How many times? Must I forgive all the hurt that’s been done to me ?
Let the jury go, set the sinner free, oh Seventy times Seven
Lord, I really don’t understand
Cause I’m looking around for some stones to throw
But Your telling me, I should let it go
How many times ?
Have you wept from the anguish of all my shame?
How many times?
Have I nailed You up on the cross of pain? You bled from the broken heart, and I was to blame
Seventy times Seven
Over, & Over again
Seventy times Seven
You know just how I have tried
Seventy times Seven
You’ve gotta see that I’m hurting inside
Seventy times seven
So tell me how much one should take ???
Seventy times seven…
* Did you know that there are more people in counseling for things said to them or about them rather than physical abuse? (being made fun of at early age-leaves scars-heck even as an adult)
Hurt feelings…it’s the cause for many friendships coming to an end, churches splitting, people leave their churches, even wars are fought over hurt feelings…things are said that just plain hurt peoples feelings, sometimes by the way a flippant remark that is made, or someone being a little too direct (with no compassion/grace) sometimes hurtful things are said intentionally but most times...I would say, 9 times out of 10 people don’t even realize what they’ve said.or have done acutally hurt anyone (And it’s not said out a heart of malice)
* I even went to a racial discrimination seminar…talk about things we say, without realizing it could be hurting someone’s feelings…anyways- I think it's about awareness…sometimes unless you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes-can you see their perspective or how a behavior or choice of words could hurt their feelings. But this blog is not about walking on egg shells..
What’s funny about people in general, is that they normally don’t think about hurt feelings until they themselves are the ones hurt…myself included.
Do you have those days, when it seems like everyone hurts your feelings, you'd rather be at home under the covers ? hahaha I think we've all had those days...those are what I call "high maintenance days"...you can't trust those heighten sensitivity days...girls you know exactly what I am talking about...
Growing up, my brother would always tease me that I got all of the heart and he had none-because I was overly sensitive and he wasn't sensitive at all. Over the years, the Lord has really worked on this area in my life...(my brother thinks I am 10 times better...but not "cured"..hahah)
I have been wrestling with a hurt since last week. I was informed that a person that I love “talks about me” negatively when I am not around. At first I was hurt, okay… actually I cried…a lot. But then I took a step back, and asked God what was the truth, was the person having a bad day and what was I supposed to learn from this.
The first thing he reminded me of was that I am a daughter of the King…He calls me His Beloved, and He loves me unconditionally. (Whew good stuff)
Now, having my identity in tact…I can face what was said about me…by my friend.
I began to evaluate my life…my behavior…does this friend have a legitimate gripe about me. And the fact is…yes…I am not perfect. I hate talking on the phone. I get quiet when I don’t feel good. I mess up everyday. I am a procrastinator & I am late for just about everything in my life. (I could go on but I wouldn’t want to bore you) I am asking God to open my eyes and my heart to any behavior or even attitude that I need to change and get rid of. He also reminded me of times that I get frustrated with people and “vent"...
But we all do it…vent, complain, talk about our frustrations with our families, friends, spouses-but how can we change it ? how can we turn it into a positive ?how can we begin to build into each other even through our frustrations, or even disagreeing times with each other? How can this friend of mine approach me about what bothers them instead of to other people (without me getting upset or feeling betrayed) ? and how can I do the same without them getting defensive?
There have been a couple of verses that have been hitting me hard recently…mostly they are in referencing our mouths (what we say to people or about people) and forgiveness.
Proverbs 17:17 “a friend loves at all times”
Ephesians 4:15-16“speak the truth in Love”.
“Ephesians 4:29"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 15:4 The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.
Heck the WHOLE BOOK OF PROVERBS :)
Philippians 2:14 Do everything without complaining or arguing
Another one is: James 1:19“slow to speak, slow to anger”, …Yikes…but then it also mentions…”going to that person privately if they've offended you"-not sending anonymous comments telling me you have issues with me”… come to me personally...I may cry...but the bible says to go to that person.
Matthew 6:14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.…..
Matthew 5 38"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.'[g] 39But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. 41If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. 42Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
43"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor[h] and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies[i] and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect
God has given us the power to encourage, to build each other up, to support…not to tare down, ridicule, be smart mouthed with…(but also not to be door mat)
So what have I learned ? if I’m complaining about someone…someone is complaining about me! OUCH...yep...it hurts doesn't it ??Ask God daily to put HIS hand over my mouth before I say something that could hurt...Think before I speak, repent ( & if it happens to me & it will) it's gonna hurt...but I have to forgive & let it go…do I have it all together…hardly…but I am pressing in and pressing on…
Lord, I’ve got no more tears to cry
Someone has hurt me, done me wrong And I’m walkin’ wounded, oh…
Lord, this pain is a knife of fire
Why does it have to turn out this way ? Why do the innocent seem to pay ?
How many times? Must I forgive all the hurt that’s been done to me ?
Let the jury go, set the sinner free, oh Seventy times Seven
Lord, I really don’t understand
Cause I’m looking around for some stones to throw
But Your telling me, I should let it go
How many times ?
Have you wept from the anguish of all my shame?
How many times?
Have I nailed You up on the cross of pain? You bled from the broken heart, and I was to blame
Seventy times Seven
Over, & Over again
Seventy times Seven
You know just how I have tried
Seventy times Seven
You’ve gotta see that I’m hurting inside
Seventy times seven
So tell me how much one should take ???
Seventy times seven…
posted by Stacey | 7:41 AM
6 Comments:
Hey Stac!
I love reading your entries, as well as all those who comment on your blog. I love that you always share scripture and I really love when you put in a song. The only thing that bums me out is that I can't hear you singing them, like I enjoyed so many times when we were kids.
I love you and I am praying for you. I learned through your blog today....2 things. 1...as soon as you said someone was talking about you I wanted to find them and confront them. I am such a protector and defender. That is the lawyer in me. And 2...I love that the Word brings light to our faults and LOVE to change them. Scripture is healing. May the Lord do the MEGA healing in my life that he alone can do. I just need to stay in the Word. I love you so much my friend. You are a gift to my life.
PS LOVED Renee's comment. Especially this sentence:
"The only thing that bums me out is that I can't hear you singing them, like I enjoyed so many times when we were kids." That is so sweet....
Oh honey - that is so like you to immediately ask yourself what YOU are doing to cause this person to talk about you instead of to you. I wish I took that attitude more! Remember though...it probably isn't going to make any difference what you do or say, in fact...they may not want to confront you because they KNOW you will be loving with them and they will feel convicted! :) I'm with Kristi - my first instinct is to hunt them down (in love of course). :) Love ya Hoov!
Have I mentioned that I think you're fabulous? :)
You are so beautiful.........to me.... Can you hear me singing to you?? :D
It has been 2 weeks....where are you? haha....not like I dont talk to you daily...but words of wisdom would be fabulous! Just a gentle reminder..we miss you in blog land. xoxo
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