True Love Stories Never have Endings...
Life can change on a dime.
Friday was a great day...lots of giggling over silly things...but having a Joy unlike those around me.
*thus the blog below :)
However, Saturday comes and as I begin to complain about having to work so hard on the house, on my DAY OFF...I feel the Lord say...do all things without murmuring and complaining.
Then at 4p.m I get a text message from my friend Nancy, that our friend Ed Horn was not doing well. His body was shutting down. And my heart broke...I began to cry and haven't really stopped. www.edhorn.info
Since October, so many people have been praying for Ed, Kelley and their children.
I prayed for healing. Reaching for the hem of the garmet of Jesus.
God did heal Ed, He called Ed home to Heaven. (You see my definition and God's definition of healing are different. (reminds me of a verse, that His ways are not like our ways)He is now in heaven with their sweet babies they lost to miscarriages.
He and his wife shared such a love story together. They were truly "soul mates".
To watch and read Kelley's faith story has been amazing! She has been an inspiration to me over and over again. (most recently showing so much grace to some dork, who sent a horrible email to her)anyways...
Their story transends eternity now. My prayers go out to her and the children who will have such a void in their home. Praise God that HE and HE alone can heal, comfort and fill that emptiness.
I could write and write and write...my heart and head are racing with so many thoughts.
I remember the description of Ed, in the hospital, when Chris Tomlin and Matt Redman came to visit him at Midnight. Arms lifted high, worshipping, with all of the iv's, and lines hanging from his arms., singing Blessed Be the Name and How Great is Our God-praising God in the midst of his pain...may we all remember that example
..I can just see Ed in heaven, with his big smile and his arms lifted (no iv's) worshipping God!
"With hands outstreched High
I give myself to You, You are my refuge
My doubt and fear surround me
Questioning Your Plan
MY heart sometimes grows weary, BUT I am HOLDING ONTO YOU!!!
With all of my heart, with all of my life, with all my strength
I will sing Your Praise, I will live to love you more"-Steve Rowe
posted by Stacey | 7:55 AM
13 Comments:
Thanks for sharing those memories of Ed and Kelley... I did not know them well, but all these stories solidify what I saw in them from their website. My heart aches for Kelley and the kids... but I know that God will cover them in His love.
Very true. I have felt the same way...tears in my eyes since Saturday morning. That horrible feeling of wanting to help, but nothing you can do. I guess that is why prayer is so powerful and important. Only God can fill the void left in Ed's families lives. Praise God that He WILL! Thank you for sharing your picture of Ed worshiping in Heaven. It was the first thing to bring a smile to my face in days.
I read your blogs and am touched by the demonstration of your love, friendship and most importantly: FAITH! However, saddened that you are all sooooooo exclusive! The whole "Praise Team" @ NRC is a family indeed, but just to each other and no one else is ever allowed in (unless of course, they are deemed "cool or hip enough" by y'all &/or Paul B.)!
Please don't be offended, hurt or feel you have to put up defenses, by no means the purpose of this it to attack. It's just a commentary deep from the heart, based on how many feel and have shared, but never feel free enough to let you know without being judged.
You all have amazing talents and gifts that have and will continue to be used by God to bless others, but there's a lot of growth that still needs to take place in order to make others (the ones you bless) feel accepted and at times "included!" Yes, the voices are beautiful and the "worship" performance is perfect, but what is really in the heart? The legitimacy of doing it all as a "service" unto the Lord is demonstrated by the "none-stage" performance and the "Jesus" testimony which should still be the farthest thing away from Broadway. Nothing wrong with excellence in art and style, but it looses it's merit if it's under the name of the "All Inclusive Savior", yet it only includes a few. Many have come and gone away, after reaching out to you and have also given up trying to use their gifts as part of the creative arts team, after finding out that the mouth speaks one thing (the often mentioned statement that we are all a big family, sounds great in words but even better when it's truly practiced) but the clicks do exist very strongly indeed and the often mentioned "Heart in Art" in it's truest form, cannot be fully present in the midst of so many limitations!
Love to all & just peaceful contemplation in the spirit (not defensive emotions) on all of the above, humbly shared from the heart!
Hello My Sweet Stacey!
I know the latest comment is going to tear your heart up. I'm sorry that not only are you hurting over the pain Kelley and her children are enduring, but also the comments from the person who commented last. I've known you for years, you've been at my side through so much pain and through the joy of delivering Riley Quin and bringing Gracey Joy and Garrett Lewis home. You sang me to sleep as I wept over losing precious babies that God took to glory before they ever had to face the darkness of this world. You've spoken truth into my life so many times. You've opened your heart to Jesus and He works through you on that stage and in your everyday walk. Your heart is gold, Stace, because you've given it to Jesus every day. You don't keep it for yourself to protect, you lay it out there always because you love like you've been told to love. You know how fiercely protective I am of you and that precious heart, and I just want you to know and be reminded of how precious you are. Do not listen to the lies of the enemy that attempt to discourage or pull you down, but listen to the whispers of our Savior who loves you madly. The creator of the universe is your Daddy and you represent Him well. I love you,
Lori
In case you missed it in Kristi's journal...
Dear Anonymous,
Do the Body of Christ a favor...don't leave those sort of comments unless you're able to make them face-to-face. Speaking as someone who has known Kristi and many from the NRC Praise Team since 97'...they aren't exculsive, and I'm quite sure if they knew who you were, and knew you felt that way would attempt to connect with you. I wasnt apart of praise team when Kristi be-friended me...so I'm living proof your charges are invalid. Are you willing to accept that God's role for Kristi and the others on the praise team might not be to minister to you relationally and just through their music?
sigh... the line into hell gets longer each and everyday and we spend most of our time complaining about how we wish things to be.
Stacey, Anonymous posted the same thing on mine and Kristi's blogs. As Lori said, I know these comments will break your heart as they did mine. Let me be the first to say (well I guess the third since Lori and Kurt beat me to it) that I know you and Kristi are not at all what this person described. Hopefully, I am not either. Here is what I responded:
Anonymous,
Wow. I am really sorry that you feel that way. I will have to admit that I have many close friends from the praise team, we spend a lot of time together and support eachother a lot with our prayers. The praise team becomes a small group for many of us, much like the church encourages people to become involved in. By no means do I feel that this makes us exclusive. I have many other close friends...some from choir, some from my Sunday School class, and some from outside the church. I can assure you that being on the Praise Team is not a pre-requisite for having a relationship with me and I truly don't believe any other praise team member either. I know most of the people on Praise Team pretty well and I know that it would not be thier intention to make anyone feel that way. If it were possible to know and have a close relationship with everyone at NorthRidge, wouldn't we all? Everyone has people that they are drawn to, that they become close to. Life lends itself to that. People you spend more time with and have the opportunity to share more with become closer to you and share more with you. It is a good reminder for us to be very careful of how we act and not to be exclusive. I can assure you that those I know on the Praise Team have the "heart" that you speak of. A true heart for God, for people, and for worship. Please don't misunderstand our need for community and close relationships. It is the same need that everyone else has. Don't put us on a pedestal because we happen to be on stage. We are just people, like everyone else. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me, and I don't judge you. Like you said we should all be free to share with eachother in this way. If I have personally made you feel this way, I would really like to know who you are and talk with you about it. God bless.
I have to echo one of Nancy's words...."Wow". I have been anxiously reading Kristi's blog ever since she invited me in to share. I have come to eagerly await her entries, as they are so obviously written from the heart. I can honestly say the words always inspire me...sometimes they make me laugh, sometimes cry, but always make me remember why it is that I love her. All I can say to "Anonymous" is to remember that we are all human, full of flaws and imperfections. If the Praise Team were to consist of people who never slip, the Praise Team would be non-existent, as would the choir. Personally speaking, it is often difficult to be a part of this team, as you do many times feel scrutinized. I don't agree that you have to be "deemed cool enough or hip enough" to be a part of this team. Yes, vocal ability is most important, but having a heart for God is equally as important and I truly believe that everyone on this team has that. I will say that I DO agree with the comment "a lot of growth still needs to take place"....of course it does. As God's people, we will never stop growing until the day we are sent to Heaven. Only at this time will we be judged...not here on earth by others who feel the need to do so. It is also true that we ARE a big family, and even in big families the so-called "clicks" tend to form. Not intentionally or maliciously, but because it is human nature to draw towards others that you feel a connection with. This doesn't mean that you are shutting anyone out, but not all levels of friendships are the same. By being on a "team", you will ultimately become closer to those individuals merely due to the fact that you spend more time with them and share a common interest. Unfortunately, it only takes one "bad day" to offend a person unintentionally. If this happens, it puts a bad taste in the "receiver's" mouth. This is unfortunate, because in a world filled with stress and heartache, it is so easy to walk by someone without acknowledging them, or to be so wrapped up in your own life's troubles that you inadvertantly dismiss someone, or maybe you just plain don't see them...all of these things can lead a person to believe you are "unapproachable", and it really only takes one instance to create this perception. I guess I should close this entry...I had not wanted to respond at all, but my head and my heart were telling me that I had to....not to "defend", but to voice my opinion just as anonymous did. I am saddened that whoever you are feels this way...you've obviously been hurt or offended in some way, but unfortunately, conveying your thoughts in an anonymous post will never provide any closure. Speaking for myself (and probably others), I yearn to reach out to to you and offer my regret for how you feel.
Hey guys! As everyone knows, I have something to say about everything!! LOL! So "ride the wave," Stacey.
Here's my opinion: I can't stand to see several people from a team that I love so dearly feel insecure, offended, or ashamed for anything that they have done because of an anonymous accusation of exclusivity. I, of course, had to read this blog, once I heard about it. My initial response was to defend myself and my teammates, but after prayerful deliberation, have decided that it is not necessary. After the posting of this message, I watched as teammates (who have, indeed, become some of my closest friends in this world) became cautious, defensive, and even ashamed that they have been accused of being or doing something that is so far from the truth. The accusation that they are (or I am) unapproachable or exclusive is so ridiculous that I can't even believe that any one of us "bought the lie" and were willing to entertain it.
I, as well as every member of this team, serve in other ministries at NRC. I spend time with these people - countless hours. And, in fact, have become friends with many of them. Life-long friends. Accountability partners. And believe me ... you don't want to hear most of them sing!! LOL!! The praise team is just another ministry that I have the profound privilege to be part of - as is the case in any ministry I serve in (global outreach, LifeShare, Single Impact, SoulCare, etc.). They are my brothers and sisters.
Anonymous, I don't want to sound judgmental, but I have to say that your accusation is nothing but a cutting remark intended not as edification, but as cruel. Posting anonymous blogs is not a Biblical means to reproach someone for their ill behavior. I'm reading everyone's comments, and although I do agree with everything that my peers have said, I have to add my own reproach. This blog has weakened the spirit of a team whose one intent is to worship an Almighty God. It has made a team of worshippers question their sincerity and tempted them to bite into the lie that their devotion to worship has been minimized by their "off-stage performance."
I have sympathy for any hurt that this team has caused you, if that is the case, and would be glad to meet with you personally, but I cannot condone this type of behavior. It is unnecessary, and if only for a minute, has saddened heaven that worshippers of this level of dedication have silenced their songs to contemplate your allegations.
Anonymous, please do not buy into the lie that "freedom of speech" allows the right to say anything you decide to anyone you decide to say it to. To the contrary, that is the symptom of a poorly-bridled tongue. Wise men choose their words cautiously, as not to destroy others. And as is written in Ephesians 4:29, only allow words of edification to come from your lips.
To my teammates, I beg one thing: WORSHIP! Worship a God Who is more passionate about you than you can humanly conceive! Sing to the One Who is worthy! Let your gifts shine, not hiding them from anyone! Raise your voices with a shout of triumph, for His Name's sake! Rock the very foundations of that church with your worship - not bringing glory to yourselves, but leading a charge that not only storms the gates of Hell with its resonance, but one that moves the very heart of Heaven!! Seek His face! Seek His passion! Seek His approval! And in so doing, lead others to His throne.
My heart has been very heavy & bothered after having made the foolish decision to leave you the "infamous anonymous blog", that evidently & certainly caused you pain. I have been restless in my spirit and have felt absolutely awful about my decision to leave the blog and am convinced that not only it was wrong, the timing could not have been more inappropriate (when so many of us are grieving over the loss of a great man, Ed)!!!
I am the one who misunderstood you all along, by allowing myself to be influenced by others who may comment out of UNGODLY motives. Your heart has been clearly conveyed in your responses, specifically Nancy, Bonnie & Mark, who were firm in their stance, yet so non-judgmental and loving in their response. Not only I feel ashamed, but humbled by your testimony. Yes, as I mentioned "we all still have a lot of growth to do" and I direct that mostly to myself. Yes, I am also a wimp, who did not have the courage to just approach you directly with my thoughts and in a more private manner. I sincerely hope that you will eventually find it in your hearts to forgive me, I have gone before the Lord in prayer for His cleansing and forgiveness and I genuinely regret any pain that I have caused you with my unwise decision to not be used as an instrument for your edification! You have all blessed me so many times with your service of Worship, please don't ever let that light stop burning! I am so very sorry!!!
Anonymous, of course you are forgiven! Who would we be as we sit and ask for grace for our mistakes and then not be willing to forgive you? We all do things we wish we could take back when we are wrapped up in our emotions. Hopefully we all understand eachother a little better now and we have all learned something about living in the family of Christ. Once again, if I knew who you were...I'd hug you! Hope you have a great day.
Anonymous -
Thank you for your sincerity. Please don't think for even a moment that forgiveness wasn't already yours. As Bonnie said, there isn't one of us that is perfect either.
I do have a favor to ask of you though. If you would, please keep each of us in your prayers. As I was discussing with another member of our team last night, the mere fact that we have the privilege to stand on a stage and lead thousands of people in worship makes each of us a priority target for the enemy. It is certainly important for every believer to arm themselves with the full armor of God, but for those of us put in the "public light," it seems to be that much more dangerous.
Thank you for your thoughts. I covet your prayers.
In His remarkable service - Mark
Anonymous...if you actually do know me, you already know how I feel. I have no room in my life for bitterness or hard feelings. I mean that whole-heartedly. I had forgiven you before you even asked for it...your initial feelings really did sadden me. I've had feelings of unworthiness before (more than you probably know), so I know the hurt that can come from that. Everyone wants to be accepted and affirmed. Good can, and has, come from this, so let's choose to look at it that way and learn from it. Please be assured that whoever you are, I love you. I mean that with all that is in me. I really, really do.
I will admit I was very upset after reading the comment from anonymous. It doesn't fit the people I know and love on this team! And while I was relieved to read the apology response, I am concerned that the hurt is still there and festering. I beg you anonymous...confront those whom you feel have wronged you. You will not have peace until you are able to lovingly confront this situation. I have heard these kinds of grumblings before from a couple of individuals who have not confronted it and the hurt continued. In every case it was either misunderstanding or sour grapes. In either case, it is destructive to you AND the body. Please handle your grievances the way God has instructed you to. Perhaps your unwillingness to really submit this to God is the reason you have not found the friendships you so desire.
Also, please remember that the bigger your potential sphere of influence, the bigger the bulls-eye on your forehead. Don't fall prey to Satan's schemes. Recognize them for what they are and flee from them!
I hope you will reconsider your desire to give up on the arts team. Your gifts are not your own. You don't have to use them in the auditorium, but you do need to use them somewhere. If you truly don't feel you can come back to praise team, prayerfully consider where you can be used.
Be blessed!
Post a Comment
<< Home